theaftercath (theaftercath) wrote,

There's a first time for everything

Well, I've officially cried in my car three nights in a row. Despite feeling on the verge of tears all day I thought I'd held myself together nicely, but then that Adam Lambert song came on the radio and set me off. Adam Lambert. Go figure.

For reference, it was the song with this chorus:
Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

I'm still reeling from our conversation last night. On the one hand, I think the fact that The Boy got all kinds of pent up negative feelings off his chest helped both of us out immensely, if only because I know all too well how having something to say but being too chicken to say it can consume everything. On the other hand, I'm not convinced we did anything but postpone a breakup because I don't think he and I are operating on the same wavelength. I got the distinct feeling that he went into our talk last night with a resolve to break up and then chickened out.

I know he's confused, I know his life is nothing less than chaotic right now. I just hope he'll hang around long enough to see that long term relationships are designed to be fixable. We've never really had a rough patch before, and therefore don't have coping mechanisms other than "welp, this must be the end or something since it went from good to not-good".

I know we both know that, in the past, when we actually took the time to talk about serious things, things got better. I hope this time is the same. I'm tired of crying.
Tags: drama, reflection, sad things, the boy

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