Alex and I are broken up.
I knew it was coming. I'd been taking emotional precautions to steel myself for it. I'm able to feel the edges of being relieved that I'm no longer dating someone who, for the most part, never really indicated that he truly wanted to be in a relationship with me.
I've never been in a relationship like this before, so I don't know how it's going to end. I think, with time when I'm able to think about him without my heart feeling like it's going to fall into my stomach or sprout wings and fly away, we will be able to be friends again. I think I know the difference between Alex the Person and Alex the Boyfriend, I just don't know how long it's going to take to be able to separate the two.
I'm still in shock. I didn't want this. I honestly cannot believe that last night was the last time I'll have talked to him, seen him, hugged him, smelled him etc... I know that I won't be able to move on if we keep communicating, that my heart will continue to defy my head and refuse to sever the strings. How do you just cut someone out of your life when they've done nothing terrible to you? How do you go from being so close and talking all the time and texting every day to doing none of that? How can I change my automatic reaction to "call Alex" when I see a funny bumper sticker or someone I know makes a really bad pun?
How can I stop my heart from hurting so much when I realize I can't talk to him or see him? And how will I know when the heart strings have loosened enough to see him again?
I'm just so sad. I'm going to be okay. I have a lot of big changes coming up that will not only help distract me, but will also help me really solidify this new chapter in my life. I just thought that I should put it out there that, even if I'm laughing and carrying on, that I am indeed so sad. I hope these make-up ruining emotions will lessen sooner rather than later.